During the past 2 days of recovery from my last weekend, I'm sure some of you have recieved random messages from me saying "I loathe myself....." , "Video games are like drugs but Galactrix is like crystal meth" and "Hi my name is Eva and I'm a user" An amazing experience happened last weekend as I got sucked into this uber addictive game Galactrix and i think i definitely discovered a new side of myself (aka my new "low")
I started this game while I was still on vacation, saw my bf playing it on his NDS and he casually asks me if I want to quote unquote "try" and the road to self destruction starts here. We both got super into the game taking turns playing at least a good 5-6 hours combined then the battery ran out. Hence leads to this Saturday where I ask him for the site to download this game.
Background: Yes I have an NDS but I'm a what you would call "NON-USER" , i have never in my entire LIFE finished any video game that i started. Maximum hours spent on a game..perhaps 5 hrs or less
Me: Hey send me the site for the NDS games
The "Supportive" Bf: You're gonna download Galactrix..aren't you? (Speaking like a true video game addict excited that I may perhaps share his passion)
Me: I might.... (Thinking you know DAMN WELL I will..but I won't admit it)
Figured out how to download and all the transfers are complete
Starts playing the game, in which I needed to restart the whole mission again. Damn!
Popcorn for dinner!!! Back to the game
The DVD movie that I put in plays the same Jingle repeatedly for half an hour. (I usually put movies in when I'm in the house, I may not be watching it but I always like to put it in, i maybe showering, cooking, trying to fall asleep or playing nds. Here the movie ends and I'm too drawn to the game to do anything about the annoying sound of a repeated jingle)
Finally turns off the TV..goes back to the game.
Wow..I'm still playing..time is moving fast
Looks at the time thinking..."Really??? Almost 4?"
The window is seeping thru light...damn..now I can't sleep properly (I can only attain quality sleep when i fall asleep when its dark)
Brightly lightened room. Urghhhhhhhh....I think I should sleep ..or should I? Just let me clear this leapgate.
Cleared the leapgate like 15 minutes ago..but played a few more games.. Off to bed
I told you I can't get quality sleep when its bright outside. Wakes up and turns on the NDS....
This feels wrong.. I haven't gotten out of bed yet but I'm playing NDS
Really need to pee..finally get out of bed ..brush my teeth and pee. Time used prolly 3 minutes then back to Galactrix
Hmmm Should I eat? It's 2
I should put it a movie and make some food , bball practise is at 6pm should definitely have something digested well before practise
Time is pressing...urghhhh..but I can't stop...urghhhhhhhh
Screw bball practise. More Galactrix
I feel like fainting..why do i feel quesy???..Perhaps i should put on a movie and cook something instead...........in 30 minutes
Makes Popcorn..continues with game ..texts the BF.. "What did you do to me? This game is evilllllllllllllllllllll...i didn't even have a drop of water since I've woke up"
Puts chicken wings in oven and broil veggies. Wastes 1 minute of game time.
Hits the WALL...I can't take this anymore ..i can't play anymore..I can't believe I just played for 15hrs or was it 20..i just can't ...I'm gonna vomit my popcorn...then plays 3 more games then stops
While still in disbelief of what just occured.. I decided to watch "Into the Wild"...Phone rings...it's the BF....chuckles and says playfully "Which game were you playing???"
Me: OHhhhhhhhhh SHUDDUP...You know it...
The BF chuckles more: Are you stilling playing...Hee hee heee..(At this point he chuckles so sinisterly..you wonder if he's been secretly waiting for this moment since our 1st date)
Me moaning: Urrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhh ..Nooooooooooo..I just... I just couldn't take it anymore...it was..it was just too much.. I just couldn't do it.. I mean I wanted to..but I just can't
The BF: Wow!
Me: Now I know how you feel like ..and now I understand how you can just eat one meal a day..when i'm playing I don't miss food, peeing or anything...
Then we compare notes on the game. He had the extra mission ahead of us..where we did on the plane and obviously he played for 2 or 3 days after we got back etc. And we discovered that within our last call which was yeserday afternoon and now. I have SURPASSED his level and he finally realizes to what depths of OCD I have sunken to. Come on ..I didn't eat or drink for the whole day.. bathroom ONCE.. I was so into the game I wouldn't mind missing a heart beat or not breathing and suffocate for that matter if it was obsructing my game time.(Lucikly both were easily mutitasked items that were not interfering the game)
The BF: Nooooooooooooooo way... Oh my god... No way......
After 5 minutes, I then returned to my movie "Into the Wild" and it was great, Chris Mccandless lived a happy life indeed. The movie is based on the true story and last writings of the Chris aka Alexander Superstramp. With grades good enough to attend Havard Law School, Chris decided to travel after graduation, abandoning his car, hitchhiking and living in trailer parks. Scraping by at fast food joints to save money for his great Alaskan trip. Some interesting facts that was left out in the movie was that Chris did try to leave but the river was already flooded in which he couldn't cross however ironically a self manuvered tram was only 1/4 mile away from the 142 bus. His body was discovered only 2 weeks after his death by moose hunters when he was alone in the wild for over 4 months.
Favorite Mccandless Quotes:
"Quoted from Thoreau,Rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness... give me truth."
"Some people feel like they don't deserve love. They walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past."
"Careers are a 20th century invention and I don't want one."
"Two years he walks the earth.No phone, no pool, no pets, no cigarettes. Ultimate freedom. An extremist. An aesthetic voyager whose home is the road. No longer to be poisoned by civilization he flees, and walks alone upon the land to become lost in the wild."
Many have been quick to judge Chris as being reckless and ignorant to travel with so little to Alaska. But it is they who are not enlightened. If we were to judge Chris on his actions 50years ago, would it seem plausible? How about 100 years ago? For hundreds and thousands of years, man has lived in solidarity with wilderness. Has the modern lifestyle blinded us with materialism and consumption of waste so that living with bare essentials seem moronic, naive and irresponsible? I shun those who judge his actions for it is you that is ignorant in realizing what you are. Although I still eat fast food, watch DVDs, sit in front of a lap top for over 10 hrs a day and play NDS on my weekends. I KNOW who I am and how consumption is eroding the human mind and our beloved nature and to top it all, my career propagates consumption to the full extent. But the point is I KNOW and I may not be brave enough to let go of that false security of belongings and belonging but I vow not to turn my back from this knowlege and try to make a difference.
Yes imagine how shitty I felt after the movie, Chris's seclusion and detachment from the world into the wild was so beautiful and genuine. While my short yet intense seclusion and detachment from EVERYTHING was sooooo dispicable, low and degenerate. Yes. I do loathe myself. Yet do i regret it? No . Will I do the same again? A good 50% and relative soon too I predict. Because also...A rebel, non-conformist, self centered & detached being that I am, will only do what my heart guides me to. So let me end with this
If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason, the possibility of life is destroyed.
Tolsoy, War and Peace (Also was in the book and Movie)
Decidated to Chueeey..you are the one and only Chris Mccandless character in my life that comes to mind. If you do travel to the wild, just don't die and bring a map.