Dreams within dreams within dreams

I woke up at 5am this morning.. with no aparent reason..drank some water..then went back to sleep again. Then I started to have those really realistic dreams that I hate...

I dreamt that I was sleeping in my room, the dream had vivid depictions of my room, it was as if I was lookin at myself on the outside. I'll spare you all the other details..anyway..in my dream which i was sleeping..i felt like i couldn't wake up..then there came a point.. which in my mind I've come to realize..wait ..this is a dream..this is not really happening..but i do REALLY want to wake up now..

of coz my wonderful mind gave me no gratification to this...i did NOT wake up..but jumped into another dream..of which i was AGAIN..sleeping in my bedroom...then i heard some noises in the apartment upstairs..and then some water started to leak from the roof....the water spashed on my bed..and i was entirely soaked from top to bottom....in my dream i honestly thought that the sprinkler came off..so i checked if anything was on fire in my apartment.. but everything was ok..

So how did I eventually wake up from all this mind-twisting madness? "Le Alarm"... yes thank goodness for it..sometimes i really wonder if I would be trapped in that dreamworld forever.. i mean time doesn't really exists in dreams..its irrelevant...

I was totally exhausted this morning..i think my mind was even more tired than that if I were awake the whole nite..

Anyway..with my inquisitive nature.. a few questions comes to my mind...

1. Why do I dream that I dream?
2. Why do I dream that I dream, and in the dream I can't wake up from my dream?
3. Why is it that when my rational thinkin kicks in, and that I realize I'm only in a dream dreaming that I can't wake up but in fact I may have the power to wake up, but then I don't really wake up and jump into another dream, of which then I woke up in the dream, in the uttermost painful way?

This is what I think..but feel free to differ

1. I think i dreamt that I dreamt is coz prolly I woke up at 5am, and the mind is subconsiously telling me I need more sleep. But then that TOTALLY back-fired coz I got more exhausted from all the subtext.

2. Again.. maybe I think its telling me to rest more..but then the dream in dream thingy freaked me out..and I really wanted to wake up..

3. Maybe coz I was in really light sleep, and I was in between conscience and subconscience, and that my mind was trying to crumble the dream world thru rational thinking, it sorta worked half-way, like it granted me to wake up in the dream but not in real life. I think its prolly like a power struggle between conscience and subconscience..and I was the innocent by-stander

With the Q&A , it leads to the ultimate question, who is in charge of my mental process????????
Well....beats the hell outta me..coz i just kno Tis' not I who is in charge...coz I'm just a powerless sucker...and now I declare that I am no longer held responsible for any decisions that I make

A Sonnet for the NC

Fellow NC members and VP Woogie, I would like to dedicate this sonnet by Bill Shakespeare to you.
Let's hang it in the foyer of our clubhouse...

Sin of self-love possesseth all mine eye,
And all my soul, and all my every part;
And for this sin there is no remedy,
It is so grounded inward in my heart.
Methinks no face so gracious is as mine,
No shape so true, no truth of such account,
And for my self mine own worth do define,
As I all other in all worths surmount.
But when my glass shows me my self indeed
beated and chopt with tanned antiquity,
Mine own self-love quite contrary I read:
Self, so self-loving were iniquity.
'Tis thee (my self) that for my self I praise,
Painting my age with beauty of thy days.

秋来不在夏尽处

秋来不在夏尽处..意思是说不是夏天结束的时候秋天才来, 而是在夏天里已酝襄秋的气息.

我在看"失乐园"的时候看到的, 先至声明, 我初初并不知道这部书是那么色情的!! 但是我真的觉得作者形容这种不能自拔的不伦恋很厉害. 其实2个主角挺可怜的, 他们的爱情根本是空空的, 所以只能用sex来substantiate the emptiness吧！！

秋来不在夏尽处..实在是形容男主角的心情..由于他跟主角的关系是太好了..所以他就是害怕他们的爱情是不是已经在不知不觉之间慢慢的变差了. 人的本性就是这样吧..往往在最开心的时候就开始害怕, 因为是了解每一种东西和每一种关系都是有一个life cycle的，在最高峰的时候，再往前，就只能向下去.

好像自古有一个说法. "妻不如妾, 妾不如情人, 情人不如妓, 妓不如偷". 偷情对人来说是最吸引的. 是因为世界只是属于2个人, 完全没有外来的因素, 而彼此的爱也是纯真的吧. 但是我真的觉得2个主角一旦被发现的代价是太大, 有家庭, 工作 etc. 世上其他的所有真的不再全在的吗？这种intensity太厉害了，亦都太可怕了．

36 BIG bottles of Heineken and 3 bottles of Chang Yu wine

So...yesterday when I was about to leave the office..my boss caught me in the hallway asking me to go have dinner with the ppl from HK station. Little did I kno that there were a whole bunch of us going.. there were about 24 of us where only 4 of us from HK. With 20 local mainland chinese and no boss around... diasterous..!! Everyone was standing up and walking around to drink with the 3 HK station guys..I don't think many of them ate...altho it was a full table of food. Eventho I had my "I got a flu" excuse..but I was sitting next to them..so I was a vulnerable victim as well. The nite ended with a HK guy from my far left was pukin thru the window..and the HK guy on my rite was sleepin..he seemed alrite..until he got up to leave and puked on the table. And the final punch is.. it was only 8 something at night when we left the restaurant.. HA!!!!!!! Beat that!!!!!!!

Okay.........nice to kno I have supportive frds that tells me I'm stupid and delusional.. I feel so much better after LOSING MY PHONE...god damnit..just tell me which 3G phone I should get already...and quit u're whinning abt me..

Cassandra Complex

Exam终于也考完了。。。“呼！！！！！” （是松一口气的声音）

但是。。我今天要说一个“奇怪+不可思议的事”。 ****气氛顿然紧张****

好了。。说了。。

今天一大早就要出门了，但是不知道何来的一种不畅的感觉。 不是怕考试而是觉得我会失掉一些东西。嗯。。所以呢。。我特别的注意我的钥匙，皮包和手机。但是不幸的还是发生了！在我在早课上发现我手机没了，但是我是记得我下计程车的时候，我是摸了摸我的口袋+再看车上有没有东西，ok了，才下车的！而且在路上我是没可能掉了，因为我是会听到声音的+从车到课室只是30米的路！唉! 好像x files一样！

平时的我是一定发火，今天呢，我心里只想“果然”，顿一顿再感“预感好准”，然后再觉得“好鬼郄”。我的同学好心的打电话给我，（平时也是会疯了一样不停找）但是今次其实我就感觉我的手机是一定没了。确定是没了的时候，我异常镇定，继续上课。原因是可能我要考试吧！而且我倒是觉得是福不是祸，是祸躲不过。

祸其实也并不是没有signs的
1 昨晚我差一点忘了钥匙。。。服务员跑出还给我
2 前两天。。跟朋友提过我是有可以先知不妙的事情的能力
3 因为工作的关系，其实我决定换一个3g的手机

挺无奈的，逃不过命运。

PS.中文的版本跟英文的是有点不同。是因为我不想直接翻译而失掉了风味。

PPS.好了。。大家来提议我要哪一个3g手机吧！！！

"Phewwwwwwwwwwww" Finally accomplished my exam today..."Yipeeeee"

But we're not gonna talk about that today..but something else..something..dark..eerie.. and out of the ordinary..
****X-file music playin at the background****

So here goes...

This morning as I was heading out bright and early to go to my exam..I had a sense of uneasiness..not becoz that I had a grueling exam to go to..but becoz I had this immense feeling that I'm gonna lose something. So I made sure I was extra careful regardin my personal belongings such as keys, phone and wallet so forth. But the unescapable happened... I LOST MY PHONE...

How you may ask...well as I was steppin out of the cab this morning.. I felt my pockets plus I checked and looked again in the cab. Everything was in order...but later in the morning I found out..I have lost it. Normally, if this kinda thing happens..I would be P-I-S-S-E-D and I would take a fit..but today I felt quite calm and thought to myself "HRRRRRMMMMMMMMMM....WOW...I can't believe my feelings were right.. this is freaky..." then went on about studying. My schoolmate was nice enuff to try to ring me..to see if there's any reception..but in my mind I knew it was gone forever..so I didn't even bother to go look for it...

Apparently phones DO EVAPORATE THRU THIN AIR...u kno..*X-file theme playin again in the background*..dude..I don't even wanna bother to think how it happened..there's like an infinite amount of possibilities how it can occur..MAYBE..i dropped it when I was walkin from the cab to my classroom..which was btw just 30meters ..which btw could have made some noise which apparently im too deaf to notice..or MAYBE..it was zapped by ALIENS during class or just MAYBE my memory is F$%^-ing with me and in fact I left it in the cab..i simply realize I would never find out (its times like now that I wish I was on a Reality TV show..so I can kno what the hell happened)

Maybe those of you who went to AC would understand the "Cassandra Complex"..you kno.. Cassandra was the prophet of Oedipus..where she was damned when she predicted that Oedipus would slaughter his own father and screw his own mom. As I was saying ..the "Cassandra Complex" is when a prophecy is told but you have no power to escape what is predestined for you..An oxy-moron at its fullest... I mean..WHAT"S UP WITH THAT?..and u kno what??? before I once wanted to name my daughter Cassandra..and give her a little cute nick name called Cassie..GOD..this is just too ironic to be happening to me...spare me from the torment....

PS. The English and Chinese version of this entry is slightly different.. I kno... I try not translate stuff coz it'll lose the touch..and I express myself better when I do this

PPS. Soooooooooooo..... lets do a poll.. what 3G phone should I get?

The human brain is like George W. Bush

The human brain is like George W. Bush.. I'm sure in u're heads you're going.. "wha???....... HUH??" Well this similie was inspired by my japanese buddy.. miho..who's currently visiting me here..

Let me explain...

The human brain is like very very stupid... its perplexing..why is that it may have the capacity to allow you to speak a few different languages..but it lacks the control and management to select which language to use at what times. Its just frustrating and embarrassing... So Miho and I went to this massage place..and the masseuse were trying to have a conversation with Miho..so they were talkn to me in Mandarin..whereby I translate to Miho..in English plus a little bit of Japanese..back and forth .. I just couldn't manage.. i started saying "だいじょうぶ / Daijoubu" ( It means OK in English.. and 可以的 in Chinese) to the masseuse ...and saying "怎么了？" （It means are you ok? in Mandarin) to Miho.. And to escalate the whole confusion..I had dinner with my HK friends together with Miho..and one guy insisted to speak in Mandarin coz he says he needs the practise.. so we were speakin like 4 different languages at the table.. Mayhem...when tryin to express my amusment to what my HK friend said.. I turned my head and said to him "え？？そっか？そっか？/ Eh???? Sokka? ..Sokka??" (Which means..oh yeah?? Really??) Then I started confusing mandarin with my Cantonese..and said to a friend.."呢条路一直走就系架啦。。。" instead of "呢条路一路行就系架啦。。。"..

The human brain is like a conniving politician.. it likes to tell you what you want to hear..and it keeps telling you "The event did not actually take place".. Selective memory is an extremely powerful tool..my friend...reminded me of Kundera's writing...

For after all, what can memory actually do, the poor thing? It is only capable of retaining a paltry little scrap of the past, and no one knows why just this scrap and not some other one, since in each of us the choice occurs mysteriously, outside our will and interest. We won't understand a thing about human life if we persist in avoiding the most obvious fact; that a reality no longer is what it was when it was; it cannot be reconstructed.

During our dinner conversation last nite..as I was ridculing Miho for not learning Chinese..she said I was the cause of it as I've never taught her Chinese..then she reminded me of an incident in which i have totally forgotten.. apparently while I was still studyin in Hawaii..it was one of those days that we were having our friday parties..and surely I had a few too many drinks.. Miho and Donielle..was asking me how to say "Yummy/Good taste" in Cantonese... and I replied them .."おいしい。。Oishii...." and Miho saids.."Hmm.. how interesting...its exactly the same in Japanese"....and I said "yup!".. After like 2 weeks.. Miho and Donielle were both saying "おいしい / Oishii" thinking that it was Chinese..until one day they said it to me and Miho goes "Isn't it Chinese?" and in oblivion .. I gave her my "Huh + what the hell" face and said "Noooo..."..And now she claims that she was emotionally scarred from this incicent to learn Chinese..Its interesting how she remembers this vividly and I completely forgot about it...

And why do emotions kicks in and impairs our rational judgement anyway... like today when I was tryin to catch a cab after skool while RAINING... I'd let this person in my same class get on it first (Normally..I would tear off a limb of anyone who comes between my Cab and I .. PLUS ..I sort of just vaguely recognized her).. but of coz.. I regreted my decision the second she got on the cab... sigh...

I guess what Im really tryin to say here is.. I don't like George Bush and the stupid things he does...

P.S. Hawaiian times... "懐かしい。。な。。/ Natsukashii na.." (I miss it .. I'm nostalgic for it)

Congrats AA

Okay... so today I just went to a cocktail party of an international airline. And of coz.. like all cocktail parties..yes ..they had an open bar.. Well I had like 6 or 7 glasses of white wine before dinner..and a glass of champagne during dinner..and i must admit i was slightly buzzed thru the whole dinner. Not that anyone noticed tho..and that reminded me how much i miss alcholol. I've known I've said I would quit chronic drinking..which I still vow to do...becauseeeeeeee...FIRST OF ALL.. I act like a fuckin idoit when im drunk (I'm sure a lotta ya would vouch for that) 2ND OF ALL ...I think it just ain't cool anymore for me to act like a fuckin idoit at my age... However I do miss the buzz and all...Anyhoo..after the dinner.. I went to have a massage and it felt extra nice..Gosh skool for tmr again... I hope I can get up...

Between Worlds

今天我又上学了，整个星期天又没有了。但是今天好特别，老师在小息的时候就跟我和我的同事聊天起来了。（注：我们是坐在第一行的好学生呀！！）因为老师听到我跟同事说话，然后她就好感兴趣地问我是哪里人。我跟她说：“我是香港人啦。。你听不出我的口音吗？” 她跟我说很明显我不是当地人，但是呢，我又好像没有太重的粤语口音，而且反而有一点点的台湾口音。所以也搞不清楚我是哪里人了。我跟我的同事都笑了，是因为我什么都不像的原因吧！

昨天跟我的一个日本的好友麻里子 msn, 令我想起我跟她在希腊的一段话。 我们在聊天说家的时候，她问我觉得我的家属于在香港，还是属于在多伦多？我想都不想就立即答她 “没有了。。那个地方都一样。。我是什么地方都不属于的。” 然后我整一整，笑一笑问她 "Mo....Watashi wa..kakoii desu ka?" (怎么啦？ 我很有型吧。。。。)然后她笑了说 “Hai hai....Kakoii...Kakoii desu ne" （嗯。。。有型。。是有型的！！）每一次我想到这里，我就会 “嘿嘿”的笑出来了！

可能从小我倒是转来转去的。。小时候要去一个新的地方是会有不舍得或害怕的感觉。久而久之，已经渐渐没有这个感觉了。每一次要去一个新环境，没有好或是不好，不会开心也不会伤感，就是这样。每个地方，我就好像是从外面看进去一样，没有真的属于那里。我就在不同的地方之间盘璇。每次去一个新环境，感觉每次就越强。。嗯。。


Well .. I went to class again today.. another lost Sunday!! But something interesting happened during recess today. My teacher in my freight fowarding class asked me where I was from? And I immediately said "Can't you tell I'm from HK from my cantonese style mandarin?" She obviously thought that I wasn't a local mainlander, but suprisingly, I didn't really bear a heavy HK accent, and on top of that ... I even had a teeny weeny bit of a Taiwanese accent. My colleauge and I both laughed after hearing this, coz I guess its kinda funny how unique yet indistinguisable my mandarin is...

Last nite.. I was talking to one of my Japanese buddy.. Mariko-chan... And I just had a recollection of a conversation we had in Greece. As we were talking about our families..she asked "Which is home for you? HK or Toronto?" And I immediately replied "Hmm..I dunno.. neither.. I guess I don't belong to anywhere really.." Then I smiled mischeviously and said "Mo....Watashi wa..kakoii desu ka?" (Hey..I sound pretty cool ..don't I?) And she jokingly answered “Hai hai......Kakoii ... Kakoii desu ne" (Indeed..indeed.. you're pretty cool)

I guess it was my upbringing that keeps me travelling around.. when I was a child.. I used to feel nostalgic or scarred of moving. But now I'm just indifferent.. its neither good nor bad.. i don't get excited or terrified when I have to move. It's like I observe every place at a distant now and I don't really belong. It's like I'm eternally caught between worlds. The feeling gets stronger everytime I move... hmmmmmmm......


Replies:

Woolz: Quick lesson "Chinese Menu 101"
Har-gao: 虾饺
Siu-mai：烧卖
Sam-see chow-mein：三丝炒面
Wat-dan ow-yuk fan：滑蛋牛肉反
Cha-siu hoa-fun：叉烧河粉
P.S. my dearest friend...this could ultimately be life-saving for you.. use the knowledge wisely!!

LB: U were the first person spotting my "Tri-nese" abilities (Mainland+HK+Taiwan style Chinese and Mandarin)... anywayz.. i found out its worse than I thought..hmmmm

So faye: I guess your reply to my phone survey is most just... since you're the one who complains the most.... haha..